It Sucked and Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong

 

The first thing I liked about this author is the fact that she published under her husband’s name. Many women authors will publish under their maiden name, saying that their husband’s name takes away from their individuality. As if by taking their husband’s name meant that they were giving away their entire personality and becoming someone different. Taking your husband’s name is not something dirty. Taking your husband’s name merely means that you have accepted this new part of your life AS A NEW PART OF YOUR LIFE. You tied yourself to him for an eternity, that’s what you said in your vows.

 

I picked this up at the book store; I decided I needed a break from romance and comedy was what I needed.

                I could not put it down, the author reminds me so much of myself in her sarcastic tones. The book itself is an autobiography of sorts; Heather recounts what it was like for her first pregnancy as she falls into a deep postpartum depression and then checks herself into a mental institution for a brief stay when all else fails. This book made me laugh, it made me cry, and it made me think about myself. I suggest this book to absolutely everyone, man or woman. I loved this book. 

The Carousel by Richard Paul Evans

                As I said before, this book is sort of a sequel to “The Locket”. There was a relationship between Michael and his girlfriend Faye in that book that wasn’t really touched on except for extremely lightly. I wanted to read more about that, hoping that when I found out that there was a book written about what happened after Michael proposed would be much more romantic, with a happily ever after ending.

                Did I get that?

                No.

                Am I disappointed?

                Very.

                Was the book still worth the read?

                There was a crapton of drama. It kept me hanging on until the end. So yes, yes it was worth it.

                Do I like Richard Paul Evans’ earlier books?

                No. Not at all. I like his later writing a whole lot better. I still haven’t even read his breakout novel. I’m saving that for after I have read all the rest of his books. 

The Locket by Richard Paul Evans

 I have yet to read his breakout novel. This was one of his earlier novels. I was a little wary of it at first since it appeared to be written in English used during our country’s birth. Any author “self-help” book will tell you that you are supposed to assume that your audience is just as intelligent as you are. “Dumbing” down your words makes it seem like you think your audience is too stupid to understand anything more than text speak, this loses fans. You also shouldn’t make your wording so difficult to understand that people have to go and get a dictionary at least twice a chapter. Well versed as I am, I still dislike reading a book where I have to stop for a few minutes and attempt to dissect what that sentence meant because I’ve only seen one of those words in one of Shakespeare’s poems.

                Basically, as an author, you’re supposed to make your readers think, but not too much. The beginning of this book, made me think too much. I eventually got used to this and was able to read the entire book without throwing it out a window (mostly because it’s my sister-in-law’s book and not my own and I promised I wouldn’t harm them while they were in my custody).

                This wasn’t like his other novels, it wasn’t really centered on the romance, it was centered on the relationship between Michael and the elderly woman he cared for at the retirement home he worked for. It was actually very dramatic and I’ve just discovered that he sort of wrote a sequel to it and that is the one I am reading next. Not because I enjoyed this book, but so that I can get it out of the way and go back to reading regular romances. I didn’t really like this one so much. I can’t even truly say I’d recommend it to anyone under any pretense except to read all of Richard Paul Evans work. This is purely my opinion and you can choose to take my advice or ignore me entirely. Everyone writes at least one crappy book and I think this may have been his. Again, no insult to him, just because I didn’t enjoy it doesn’t mean that he’s a terrible author or that the book was terrible. I’m just a pain in the ass and the first two books I read by him spoiled me as they were his later books. You get better as you go. 

Skinny Women are Evil by Mo’Nique

                This book was as hilarious as it was inspiring. Mo’Nique writes about the trials and tribulations of being a big girl in the Hollywood world and outside of it as well. I wear a size sixteen pants and I look damn good in them. This is the same attitude Mo’Nique encourages all of the big girls of the world to have. She tells us to eat if we are hungry and to own everything we wear and to be cautious of those she refers to as “Skinny bitches”, the most evil of all creatures. The women who wear size zero and look at you like you’re the most disgusting human being alive for going back for seconds at a buffet. She tells us about how she made it into Hollywood, she tells us about her home life, about her son, her failed marriage and so much more. It is an awesome book and a much more classy comedy than anything by Tucker Max.  If you enjoy laughing but not because of some horrible “sex gone wrong” story, then this book is definitely for you. 

Promise Me by Richard Paul Evans

           
 Now when you hear about a time travel romance, you think of the Time Traveler’s Wife. This book is way more complex than that. This book was ten times better. I loved it. I could not put it down, I read this book on my way back from North Carolina and I wouldn’t get out of the car at rest stops until I had finished the rest of whatever chapter I was on. This book is about a woman who just learned that her husband has been cheating on her to also learn that her husband is dying of cancer, to then learn that her child is suffering from some disease the doctors can’t identify to then learn that she is losing her house to then learn that this guy that she started seeing is someone who came from the past to come and help her future change. Now if that isn’t complex as hell, I don’t know what is. I suggest this book to anyone who likes romance. ROMANCE romances not smut. 

Lost December by Richard Paul Evans

Now, I have been on a dystopian kick for the longest time, so this is a completely new flavor of review. My soon to be sister in law lent me a bunch of books so I wanted to read those first so that I knew that I could get them back to her as soon as possible. Most of the books she lent me are romances by an author I have never read before.

                If you love the author Nicholas Sparks, then you will adore Richard Paul Evans. Quite a lot of my reviews will be of Richard Paul Evans’s books, because she lent me a TON of his books. The first book I picked up by him was Lost December.

                I was little weary of it at first, not knowing how much I would like it since I’d been reading nothing but dystopias for how long now, but this book was amazing.

                This book is about Luke Crisp, who is the son of a very successful owner of copy centers that he has all over America. From a young age, Luke was taught by his father how to run these copy centers. By the time he was 16, he was successfully running six on his own and he was able to finance a brand new BMW. One day, his father tells him that he should go off to college to learn more of the world and to see what else it has to offer him. While he is in college, he meets this complete douche waffle who convinces him to turn down his dad’s offer to take over the company from him and to come and spend all his trust fund money to go and see the world. Meanwhile, he keeps asking to borrow money, saying he has a credit card problem and promising to pay him back. Eventually, they spend all of the trust fund and the douche waffle was taking so much more than he let on. Leaving Luke with nothing. When he goes back to see his father, he finds out that his father has already given the company to someone else. With his tail between his legs, he turns to the streets.

                After a horrible mugging, a man finds him on the side of the road and offers to take him to a shelter or the hospital and then eventually after giving him some food, offers him a job at the old folk’s home that he runs. Giving him a room to stay in and free food and clothing AND money on top of this all. While he’s there, he helps them develop a marketing design to help fill all the rooms.

                He sees a Crisp Copy Center nearby that is hiring and goes to apply there, while he works there, he meets a woman. Well, she’s a grumpy woman who won’t open up to anyone no matter how hard you try. He sees her at the market and notices that she has a son and convinces her to come to dinner with him, which only seems to upset her more because then her son won’t quit asking about Luke.

                It takes Luke taking the fall for a big mistake Rachel made at work for Rachel to finally see that he is a man worthy of dating.

                Now I don’t want to ruin the rest of the story for you, but it is FRIGGING awesome. I loved it and unlike Nicholas Sparks, no one has to die at the end for it to be a good book. I could not stop reading it.

Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

If you’ve ever heard of Tucker Max, then you know he’s a horrible, awful, crazy, alcoholic lunatic. You also know that he’s damn hilarious. Now, it truly depends on who you are, some people think he’s pretty much the scum of society and the sole reason that the world is an awful place. Some people think he’s the bee’s knees, king of all men, or the most fabulous drunk in existence.

             

   Last year, I read his “autobiography” of sorts which mostly consists of a recollection of all of the “best” moments throughout his life of being a drunken abomination to society. He just drinks whatever alcohol is placed in front of his face and fornicates with whatever drunken flimsy girl he encounters. It doesn’t sound like very educational or thought provoking reading to those of mature and sound mind. I, on the other hand, laugh when I notice that I have 69 messages in my inbox on my cell phone and have also been known to talk to myself for hours. I am neither of mature or sound mind. So this shit is damn hilarious. 

             

   I believe his second book, “Assholes Finish First” came out two years ago, possibly three, but I am one of those people who start reading a book, forget about it for five months and then pick it up again. I bought the book and didn’t even start reading it until last week. This book is just as hilarious, if not more hilarious than the previous. I am pretty sure I peed my pants three times a chapter. This book includes all the stories “post fame” of Tucker Max. Once the drunken sluts knew his name, everyone wanted to be in one of his stories.

              

  I would suggest his works to anyone that is immature on the inside and can handle a ton of swearing. Like, a shit ton. If you have ever hung out with me for more than five minutes and didn't want to kill me or burn the part of your brain that remembered ever conversing with me, then you can probably handle this book. 

Delirium by Lauren Oliver

This is a dystopian novel. (I promise one day I will eventually review something other than a dystopian novel. Just all of the books I recently bought are dystopian novels. So, that's what I'm going to review obviously.)

In this one, the government has declared love a "disease" that can potentially kill you and has made it mandatory once a person has turned eighteen that they get cured. Then you are matched with someone that the government picks for you based on your evaluation. But there are people who run away before then and they are referred to as invalids and they run into the "Wilds" and supposedly die.

It's an awesome book but the ending will make you cry and those of you who have weak stomachs for violence, this may not be the book for you. The government in this book is pretty awful and tyrannical in it's ruling.

Insurgent by Veronica Roth

                I already reviewed this book’s predecessor, Divergent, and if you don’t recall it, that was the book that I said I peed about eighty five times during PLUS almost bested Harry Potter. So this is my spoiler alert, if you haven’t read Divergent, then go and fucking read it. There is something wrong with you if you haven’t read that book yet. You are missing out. If you choose to continue to read this blog post regardless of my warning that there are spoilers to Divergent in it, don’t come bitching to me because I spoiled it for you. Fuck you. I’ll block your ass. I warned you.

You know how a lot of sequels are pretty shitty compared to the first book and then you are left feeling unsatisfied and pissed off because you went and spent all this damn money to get the book AS SOON AS IT CAME OUT which meant you could only get the hard cover copy which is TWICE THE DAMN PRICE of the paperback, and the damn thing sucked?

                Well, this book ISN’T like that, at all. This book was just as damn amazing, if not better than the first. I laughed, I cried, and I yelled at the book. Veronica Roth continues to deliver her edge of the seat writing style. I couldn’t put this book down and actually got upset when I had to because I could no longer keep my eyes open. It was amazing. There are so many twists you never see coming. I loved this book. Again, if you are weak of stomach when it comes to violence, this isn’t the book for you.

                At the end of the first book, you just discovered that Jeanine from Erudite and Eric from the Dauntless had some kind of plan where they injected everyone in Dauntless with serum and they killed damn near everyone in Abnegation. You also found out that it doesn’t affect the Divergent.

                Well, this book offers so many twists and turns. Will Tris and Tobias’s relationship make it through this war? What happens to Marcus? What the heck was Tris’s mother even doing there when she saved her? And so many other questions get answered. An unlikely foe will turn friend and an unlikely friend will turn foe. You will pee yourself at least three times a chapter guaranteed. 

The Replacement by Brenna Yovanoff

I read the whole thing.
ALL I HAVE TO SAY:

CREEPY AS FUCK

Divergent by Veronica Roth

Divergent by Veronica Roth is FUCKING AMAZING.

Probably one of my top five favorite Books. And yes, that does include the Harry Potter Series. And if you've met me in real life, I am an INSANE POTTERHEAD. Okay, I'm pretty sure I thought I was going to marry Tom Felton at one point and waited for my Hogwarts letter every day of the week for three months straight after my eleventh birthday and also convinced myself I could do magic. 

It is freaking awesome. It's another Dystopian novel and it's also a series. Insurgent just came out and I just started reading that one as well. 

I seriously could not stop reading this book. I took it with me to the bathroom. I read it in the bath tub. I stuffed it down my pants so that I could sneak out to my venue to read it at night at Extras. I denied sex, food, natural body functions and drink to read this book. I read it in four days. It was so good I JIZZED my pants. FOUR TIMES. and I asked my fiancee why he wasn't more like Four/Tobias.

Anyway, this book is about a government controlled future where the people are divided into five factions based on what they blame for the reason why the government crashed and burned in the past and what personalities they have. The factions are Amity, Dauntless, Erudite, Candor and Abnegation. You take a similation test and they place you based on your reactions to the different situations you are put in. Ultimately though, you make the choice in which faction you choose to spend the rest of your life. If you leave your family's faction, you most likely will never see your family again. "Faction before Blood" is the motto. 

This book was amazing and I shit myself like eighty three times because there are so many twists and turns that you never see coming. The author is amazing.

The only complaint I have is that the author had NOT EXAGGERATING AT ALL, 52 FIFTY FUCKING TWO pages of BULLSHIT about herself. TALK ABOUT A FUCKING EGO. DAMN. 

Crossed by Ally Condie

If you haven't read Matched and you intend to then please do not read this review, it will give you spoilers to Matched. DO NOT FUCKING SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU

So this book starts off with Cassia and Ky being separated. Which totally blows. I'm a Ky fan. I will always be a Ky fan. I in fact hated the other guy. His name escapes me at the moment and that's how much I DON'T GIVE  A SHIT ABOUT HIM. This book was pretty much just as awesome as the first. Ally Condie is damn amazing. She keeps you hanging on.

The book ends at an AWFUL cliff hanger and you probably will piss yourself from anger. So be warned, you will need a change of pants.

The Chemical Garden Trilogy by Lauren DeStefano

I am posting these together because they are a series. The Series is called "The Chemical Garden Trilogy" (the third book is not yet out).
The author is Lauren Destefano.
The first book is entitled "Wither" and the second is entitled "Fever".

Once again, I'm on a Dystopian Literature kick. (I'm also writing one of my own. Look out for details about "Careful" in the near future). These books are under that genre. If you don't like them, then you probably shouldn't read this review. It's obviously not for you.

Anyway, I bought a whole bunch of dystopian novels awhile back and when I saw the cover of Wither, I did the worst thing you can ever do. I judged the book by it's cover.

This is the cover of Wither:

I saw the cover and assumed it was some kind of fashion novel. Or something I wouldn't really enjoy reading. So I didn't pick it up. Didn't even read the back cover. Just kept walking. 

Anyway, I went over to my best friend's house and was stealing her internet to look up the release date of the third book in the "Matched" trilogy by Ally Condie came out. (There is a review of the first two books in that series on my blog as well.) I also then began to look up other dystopian novels and this one came up in that list. When I actually read the summary, it sounded fucking amazing so I made my soon to be husband drive all the way BACK to Harrisburg (nearly an hour away from where we live) so that I could pick up this one and it's sequel to add to my hundred book challenge list. 

To give you a brief description of the books: 

It's set in a dystopian future, where they have found a cure for cancer, but that cure has made it so that men usually perish around the age of 25 and women around the age of twenty. Young girls are kidnapped from their homes and forced to marry men in order to reproduce. Most men take in anywhere between four and seven wives! This is what happens to the books protagonist Rhine. Except she decides she wants to escape and is planning her escape from the house the whole time. Her new husband falls in love with her though and she falls in love with someone who is considered a "servant" to the household.

First book: freaking awesome, couldn't put it down. There are some pretty gruesome scenes though. Women do not die pleasant deaths. 

Second book: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I didn't particularly enjoy it. But I will still be buying the third, mainly because I'm rooting for the wrong side of the love triangle and I have to find out if I'm right or not. The second book is like 594859484584095834058430 times creepier than the first. Much more gruesome and scary. I had a few nightmares about the book afterwards. Not even kidding you. I'd give you more insight to what is happening in this book but it would definitely give away the ending to the first. 

Now if you're into CREEPY dystopian novels, this series is the perfect choice for you!

Matched by Ally Condie

Okay, so as of lately, I've become a hugggggeeeee dystopian literature fan. For those of you who aren't sure what that is, allow me to explain, a dystopian society is one where the government controls basically everything. The Hunger Games? That was an example of a dystopian novel.

Now I don't know why, but I can't get enough of this shit. I have bought every well known dystopian novel there is. I started with Matched by Ally Condie. HOLY SHIT. I could not put this book down. Like, seriously, I almost told people to shut up and come the fuck back later when they were attempting to pay me for their food. I read the whole thing in less than seven hours. It was awesome.

Basically, in this book the government controls everything, from how much you eat a day, to who you marry, how many children you have and when you die. YES WHEN YOU DIE. But that's not the point, the point is, the whole matching process. The main character gets matched with her longterm best friend, Xander. This is an extremely rare occurrence because normally your match is someone in an entire other part of the country, someone you never met in your life. Now this isn't a bad thing, it's not like she can't marry him, it's just rare. Well when she went home to see the data on Xander, because everyone gets this little memory card, basically on all of the shit about your match, we she plugs it in, another boy's face comes up, ANOTHER boy that she knows. But that boy can't be matched, because he is an abberation, basically, he isn't really a citizen, his father did something stupid when he was a kid and he had to bear the title as well because of it.

It basically becomes a love triangle, as most books do, but this one goes the complete opposite direction that you think it will. I loved it. And I was fucking crazy about it and you will be too. I just started reading the sequel and I found out that third doesn't come out until November of this year. THAT'S TOO LONG TO WAIT.

World War Z by Max Brooks

Anyway, I finished World War Z by Max Brooks this month and it was a lot better than I had expected it to be. In fact, one chapter almost made me cry, not out of fear, but out of true emotional connections to the characters in the book.

It's basically about a zombie war. In this book, it's written from the voices of the people who fought in/survived the zombie take over and their accounts of how it all went down. It's from the voices of generals, soldiers, children who lost family, children who kept their family but it would never be the same, disabled people, nerds, everyone and it's absolutely awesome and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who has even the slightest interest in Zombies.

They are making a movie out of it, I really really enjoyed this book and if they fuck it up in the least bit, I may get banned from our local theater because I will throw the world's biggest shit fit. 

Welcome Message

Hi.
My name is Erin Howie.
I am a 20 year old, engaged, twice published, ginger author.
I'm fighting depression.
I'm incredibly blunt.
I enjoy profanity. A lot.
This is my blog of book reviews.
There will be tabs to take you to specific genres, as well as tabs that will take you to a specific author and tabs to take you to negative reviews and positive ones.
I do not censor my feelings.
These are my raw feelings about the books.
If you do not like it, you do not have to read it.